And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize