Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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