Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
