U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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