Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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