this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
