I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize