Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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