She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
