Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
