I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
