Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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