idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
