I cockslap morals
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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