every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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