What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
