Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
