am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
