The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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