Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We had sex on a dog bed..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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