Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
