You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
