i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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