Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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