You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
