absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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