I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
