my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Randomize
