Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
