You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
