how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
