lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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