Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
