She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
