If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you never un-have a 4some
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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