So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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