They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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