I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
