some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
