my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize