Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
