Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
