chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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