No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
