I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize