this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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