Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
