laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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