it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
