fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
