Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
