Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
