Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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