Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
