I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
