Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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