Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
