I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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