John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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