I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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