is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
