Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize