she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
