Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize