Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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