every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
