Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
