Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
