i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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